Category Archives: Parenting Coordination

Back To School – Guide To Managing Term Time For Separated Parents

As the long summer holiday draws to a close, there will be parents all over Devon (and the rest of the UK) who will be relieved that school starts back next week. If you are working parents, you will have been juggling your childcare and work commitments for the last 6 weeks which can be exhausting. If you are a separated parent, you will have possibly had a harder time organising everything over the summer.

There are plenty of guides about how to juggle the summer holidays as a separated parent, but often the start of the school term or year can be just as daunting for separated parents. If you have little ones starting reception it can be a stressful time with the worry of pick up times, uniform and packed lunches whilst dealing with a separation too.

It is also very important to think about things from the child’s point of view, starting a new school and settling in with new teachers, friends and timetables can cause anxiety if everything is turned upside down at home with a recent divorce or separation.

Parental Communication

As with anything, communication is the key to making things as easy as possible for both parents and the children alike. A regular and clearly defined routine between you, the parents, will be very important so that your child will always know who is picking them up from school. Working out a schedule that fits with both of your work commitments can be done but it will take organisation and communication.

Clear communication with the school will also be necessary so there are no mix ups, they will need to know who will be picking up each day, particularly with young children in reception.

Sharing and Coordinating the Expense

Once children are at school, there are many expenses that will need to be covered and discussed between you. As mediators, we see many cases of conflict between parents around the finances which could be avoided with planning and compromise.

School Dinners – This is a regular expense and soon mounts up particularly if you have more than one child. How you divide this cost will depend on your individual circumstances; how care is shared between you and maintenance agreements. If one parent is constantly having to pay arrears for the other parent at school, you can see how the arguments and resentment will grow over time.

After School Care – This can be a huge financial burden for parents who work, in most cases the division of this expense can be worked out according to the ratio of care or can be included in the maintenance plan.

Uniform and Shoes – It is quite amazing how often, shoes and uniform need replacing due to wear and tear or getting too small! If you have more than one child; kitting them out with all the shoes and clothes they need can be a huge dent in your budget. Pre-empting this cost will save a frenzied panic at the end of August, when you try to reach your ex-spouse for help with it.

School Trips – The cost of these becomes greater as the children get older and often letters will come home in your child’s school bag regarding cost and deadline. When children are living in two houses, it is all too easy for these notes to be mislaid and a payment deadline missed. For young children, they can’t be responsible for this type of thing and will only suffer if you can’t cooperate with each other as parents.

School Activities and Involvement

With most schools there will be an array of situations where parents will be invited to attend the school, this can be anything from parents’ evenings, through to school plays, fundraisers and fairs. It is important to remember that your interest and involvement in your child’s activities are so important to them. If you can set your difference’s aside to attend the nativity play to support your child, it will give them a real confidence boost. Providing positive support and showing that your love for your child hasn’t changed despite your separation will eliminate the effects of conflict between parents on your children.

Homework and Exams

Depending how much time your children spend with each of you in your separate homes will depend how much influence you will have on the completion of homework. Remember it is all to easy for kids to find a way to leverage parents who don’t communicate.

“I left my Maths book at Dad’s, so I can’t do my homework today”

“I did it all yesterday at Mum’s house”

These are great excuses that will work if you aren’t in communication as parents. In Infants’ school this is not so vital maybe, but as the kids approach their GCSE’s they need as much support from both parents as possible. It is during these difficult teen years that all the classic rebellion will come into force. Playing truant and experimenting with drink and drugs is any parent’s nightmare, this will be so much easier to monitor if you are coordinated as parents and the lines of communication are open.

Help for Parents

In an ideal world separated parents would remain friends and communicate with each other openly about their children and the arrangements for them. Sadly, there can be so many factors in these situations that prevent that from happening. Some find it just too hard to put their own feelings aside, perhaps there has been violence or one parent refuses to talk with their ex-partner.

Here at Progressive Mediation in Totnes, we have vast experience with mediating these types of conflict and provide comprehensive family mediation services and parent coordination services. Call us today for advice on 0788 903 9393.

End of an Era – The Big Move to Totnes

We set up Progressive Mediation in 2010, with a clear vision of providing affordable family mediation in Bristol. Now, after nearly 20 years, we have taken the decision to move down to Totnes to continue to provide our mediation services in South Devon.

We feel we have achieved so much during our time in Bristol, we have helped so many families and individuals to resolve their issues during their separation or divorce. In fact, we have spent hundreds of hours mediating in complex family disputes including direct consultation with children.

Family Mediation

Family mediation is at the heart of what we do and includes mediating for separating couples whether they are married or not. Usually the arrangements for the children are at the centre of the disputes for these couples and there is nothing more rewarding for us than to help them to resolve their differences and arrive at a compromise which is fair to all.

We are advocates of child inclusive mediation where appropriate and this has been a highly successful way to mediate, particularly with high conflict couples. We have mediated for couples over long distance too which has its challenges but thanks to technology we have made it possible.

Along our journey we have enabled all individuals to gain access to our services by offering the opportunity for people to apply for Legal Aid for Mediation which has proved invaluable for low income families. Making our services affordable to everyone is the ethos that motivates our business.

Parenting Coordination

This is a relatively new service that we started to provide in June 2018 and has proved to be a popular option as an extension after mediation has finished.  It enables separated couples who really struggle with the ongoing communication for arrangements for their children to reach agreement through the coordinator.

You can read our Devon Parenting Coordination Case Study as an example of how this service has worked so well for a high conflict couple in Devon.

Workplace Disputes

Disputes within the workplace are common and can be hugely stressful to the individuals involved; so much of modern life is spent in the workplace. We have helped resolve some complicated and highly emotional civil mediation cases using sole mediation, co-mediation (particularly useful for complex multi-party disputes) and shuttle/caucusing mediation models.

As with all mediation, the successful outcome arrives when all parties feel they have been heard and have a better understanding of the position of the other parties. During our time in Bristol we have mediated many workplace disputes with the same passion and success as our family mediation cases.

Inheritance Act, Property and Business Disputes

Commercial disputes can arise and be associated with property or business agreements, partnership disputes and a host of other issues. The fundamental principles of mediation remain the same; the involved parties are all encouraged to listen to each other’s points of view and a compromise is reached through mediated discussions. Often, there are new ways or suggestions from us that have not been thought of.

Fond Farewells and Thanks

As we close this chapter of our mediation journey in Bristol, we would like to take this opportunity to thank everyone in Bristol who has helped us and all our clients.

Totnes Here We Come!

As our Bristol office closes, we are transferring all our energy and enthusiasm for what we do to our new Totnes premises. Our new contact details are:

Mobile: 0788 903 9393

Address: 17 Smithfields, Totnes TQ9 5LR.

We cover the whole of the South Hams and South Devon area. This includes Totnes, Paignton, Torquay, Newton Abbot, Buckfastleigh,  Ashburton, Plymouth, Kingsbridge and Modbury.

We are welcoming new clients here in Totnes already, so please get in touch if you need advice on any aspect of our mediation services.

Best Wishes

Frances and Charles Place

New Parenting Coordination Services in Bristol and Totnes

We are proud to announce that we can now offer parenting coordination services to parents in Bristol, Totnes and surrounding areas. These services are relatively new in the UK, but have been very popular in the United States and Canada in the last few years. The idea of having a parent coordinator is to help parents in high conflict to communicate better and resolve issues where the children are concerned. The focus is on the welfare and best decisions being made in the interests of the children.

How does the service work?

After separation or divorce, the arrangements for the children can be something that causes a lot of conflict, especially if communication is difficult or has broken down. Parents can disagree on many things from what the kids are given to eat, through to which school they will attend or timings of contact. Our Parenting Coordinator will be as involved as is necessary. Every case is individual with different needs and varying degrees of conflict.

For Parenting Coordination to work, both parents need to be in agreement that the coordinator will be involved in the decision making and will be the mutual point of contact. Unless both parents are completely on board with this, it won’t work.

What can the Coordinator help with?

Our fully qualified parenting Coordinator is trained to deal with any situation that may arise by encouraging the resolution of the conflict and helping to brainstorm ideas to reach compromise. Here are some common things that she helps parents with:

  • Developing a parenting plan with the children’s interests at the forefront
  • Change over timings and meeting points
  • Regularity of contact and holidays
  • Medical decisions
  • Education choices
  • Identify and manage conflicts
  • To communicate more effectively
  • Understanding the impact of conflict on children and develop a more sensitive approach in this area
  • Negotiate appropriate post-divorce or separation boundaries
  • Identify mutually agreeable parenting goals
  • Brainstorm ideas and options to reduce conflict and achieve the parenting goals

Do I need a Parenting Coordinator?

Are you in high conflict with your ex-partner? Do you argue regularly about arrangements for your children? Are you constantly going back to court to get disagreements sorted?

Parents can make their own decision to appoint a parenting coordinator, but in some cases they may be appointed by the court. It might be that there are serious concerns over the mental health or behaviour of one of the parents or a history of substance abuse or family violence.

Can we Help You?

Here at Progressive Mediation, we are fully qualified as parenting coordinators as well as being extremely experienced in all aspects of family mediation. If you would like to speak to us about your situation and find out more about our parenting coordination services, call us today on 0117 924 3880.